alcoholism

the past week was a week to let myself be free and less stressed
and technically, to focus this week.
tuesday, i went to drink with s, m, a, j and k
it was sooo funny
cant deal
cards against humanity was hilarious
didnt win cos s is the smartie
then beer pong, never tried it in my whole life
but realized that I was PRETTY good at it
i guess alcoholics have a way with it
saturday, cherry.
went w hehehehehehheheheeh
a smaller part of CBs, s and m
and xs and f ❤
love the interior~
but its too hot to have fun tho

oh well but its monday today
and didn’t feel like focusing or
studying
or working
l o l
LIFE sux in general

i’m really liking

my new nickname – hotcakes.
hehehehe

a name that you think its suitable and started calling me from ytd
its pretty weird cos i like hotcakes from macs
but to hear you call me that makes me wonder if your love for me is as strong as my love for hotcakes?!?!

in the mood

for nthhhhhh
–
life’s been HORRIBLE
H ORRIBLEEEEEEEEEEE
OK so, I’ve been writing this thesis and it is srsly ruining my self-confidence every single day.. dk if everybody felt like that, or that they are so damn sure of their design statement, im just… drowning in self-doubt and those insecurities aren’t going away any time soon. Idk if im doing architecture…. when everybody tells me its fine, but im just …. So lost? Lost in studio (hahahaha), lost in thesis, lost in life,
Why am i not lost? I wanna disappear now.
and *poof* appear in bali with a margarita
(can i plz haz double the tequila inside?) 🙂 🙂 🙂
LOL BUT in reality, LIFE SUCKS.
How can someone be so confident and sure 😥
I mean I’m not that confident myself to begin with also……
SIGH

oh well, I feel like i need to get myself back into the mood,
Where i could just go to cafes, enjoy a carefree day strolling around aimlessly, sitting at starbucks, sketching, painting or doing calligraphy or i could colour my secret gardens which I started, and its at….. page 1 still 🙂

but life is getting in the way of these things recently 😦

So much to care abt, people’s judgements and opinions, acceptance and gosh, hate the world sometimes for its beauty standards and conservative thinking ugh and also how do I know if this would turn out well or not? 😦
huehuehuehueheuheue

thankful for someone that I could escape most of the time, I mean we pretty much started out like this and it has never stopped :’)
everytime it feels like my troubles seemed to go away, but when you’re not there, I crumble 😥 hahaha not that bad, im independent too. Its just that, I would like to think that way 🙂 If I had a choice, we would be in our house, building our place and you could buy any expensive projector you want, and we can lay on the bed, drink some moscato and watch netflix and chill alllll dayyyyyyy ❤

3 things i did in the holidays were:
1. Finally tried to buy cheapass TAOBAO STUFFZXCZX which i kept attacking f for hahahahahah shes an ADDICT (but I cant wait for it to come hehe)
2. Bought this harddrive thing for my macbook which cost me a BOMB but its 128GB hmmmmmmm (dk if my life choices were right)
3. Was sick and didnt see the doctors for 2 weeks! Thought it was an accomplishment that I can be strong as hell, like the olden days where there was no doctors, but oh god mother of chicken wings,was I wrong. I’m still sick now and having a slight fever 😥 I haven’t been sleeping well cos i coughed all night. Ytd I slept at 3, woke up multiple times by my cough, and woke up at 7am…. (Im sorry i passed to f too, and it got real bad) Just went to the doctors today and sigh, got tons of medicine again
Hate pillsssss so much
But I learnt a lesson: to always see a doctor, so I wouldnt pass it on to anyone 🙂

Tee hee.
Hope I can survive this SHIT cos i dont think i can…….. honestly.
Hope I can play everyday!! (its my new years resolution actually heh)