W

but it flew away from her reach, so she ran away in her sleep

Month: May, 2014

Honesty

I wanted to go your way and give you the honesty that you want (I’m trying and you probably haven’t notice yet)
but even you realized that we are quarreling quite often recently and i feel, that that’s the reason why 
I am not trying to hide anything from you..
I just don’t want to accidentally hurt you because the truth ALWAYS hurt 
and i feel hurt, when you doubt me for not being honest with you, as if you don’t trust me at all 
Even if i am willing to share the truth, i will not because I feel that you doubted first 
And i hate it, i hate the feeling of telling you the truth, every time i say it out, i feel angsty and hurt for hurting you (even when you’re not)
I’ve turned to this person, who constantly wants your attention more than anything else
And gets all paranoid and anxious when i don’t hear from you and insecure when you’re out with people
I feel white lies are important in an relationship so we won’t get hurt and i tried my very best not to tell you your weaknesses and tried to hide my insecurities 
I don’t want to change just so i could protect others from the harsh reality

But maybe you are right, i am afraid to be honest 
Im afraid to accidentally hurt someone because i’m afraid of attacks, I’m afraid to face those unpleasant realities that i’d avoid 
I am not ready to let you let me know my insecurities and weaknesses
If i do, you’ll know my flaws inside and out and that I am not perfect, 
because that’s the part of me I don’t want you to see
It is really hard for me to take it in stride when i’ve grown up in an environment full of praises and compliments
I guess i’ve always find it easier to tell people that I’m fine, when i’m not, just so that they will not worry about me
But I’m starting to see why you want the honesty..
To you, its more than just telling the truth, it’s about sharing your life with me because it reflects how you truthfully feel inside
Our relationship would be simpler… It would be less of a hassle when i tell you that i am not fine, and you’ll know it 
I’ll tell you every time I feel butterflies in my tummy when you touch me
And i still feel warm and fuzzy when you embrace me
but if you want me to, i would also point out if you’re rude to someone, who doesn’t deserve your attitude
or if you’re being a dick to me 
But it requires some courage to be honest and i’ll promise i”ll try 
because i really want us to grow as better persons and maybe into a deeper relationship with each other

THE BIRTHDAY GIRL

Image

its me *shy*
Hehe im waiting in the hostel for my friends to be back… but its so BORINGGGGGGGGGGGG
and Im gonna sleep Real soon 😥
So i took selfies and I can post 4 straight selfies of myself because its MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!! 😀 😀 😀

To be honest, this year has been rough… Emotionally and physically…
But i’m glad to have survived this year of turmoils!
This society is so cruel that sometimes you just want to flee… Without all the emotional support, i don’t think i could survive till the age of 20!!
I really really love all my friends and family and wiwi of course 🙂
They bring great joy to me and inject in me such great energy and positivity!! Especially kiwi seow, i DK how she does that just by sitting on my lap :’) (though I’m such a sad and extreme girl sometimes 😦 )
But in the end, those who love, have never left ♥
I’m really grateful to all those that have stayed and those who have loved me for who I am, accepting all my flaws and weaknesses no matter what :’) And those really close friends, who lend me their shoulders when I really need them 🙂
Friends like this are hard to come by and i will cherish them, and remember them for life 🙂
For those, who stop by just for a moment, you have also made an impact in my life 🙂
I also hope that my old friends don’t forget me though i acted like i had forgotten them due to my school work and stuff 😦

Ytd, I made a wish when i blew my candle,
For everyone to have the healthiest body possible
Because its the most important thing one could have 🙂
(though i really wanted to wish for new givenchy’s and GPA 5.0 <<< LOL)
With that, i end my blogpost shouting, “IM OFFICIALLY TWENTY!!(and feeling very grateful)”
hehe

i love you hehehe you cant see this cos you’re such a bubu
come back quick!! im dying to see you actually ^^

Paralyzed

Yes, I’m not feeling too well recently… and my blog is the only place to run to 
There’s nobody i can talk to; there’s nobody that understands me 
Only you, my dearie 
You are the only one i pour all my deepest darkest secrets to 
The only one, who listens and never forget
But how much do you or can you understand me, how long can you stay by my side? 
How long will you be able to take me, until the day you feel so suffocated, you want to leave? 
I understand and i get it, and thats why I’m upset 
I don’t want to be your burden, i don’t want you to be pulled back by me and all my problems
They are so insignificant but deadly 

I need you, but i really don’t know how 
Is a human supposed to help another human that much? 
Is this how life is supposed to be?
That we depend on each other and asks for nothing back, yet feel the pain when nothing is returned?

Only run with those you can trust 

Maybe you thought i did not like certain stuff or did not enjoy my day because my face did not show..
but to be honest, it was the best 20th ever, i enjoyed it and loved every second of it ❤ i wish it could be longer…
I love how you held my hands and walked through the crowd… At that moment, it felt like i was invincible,
like I was a little gem, so precious and protected, no one could hurt me, not even a bullet 🙂
I love how you try to make every moment perfect and go all frustrated when you did not succeed in your surprises,
and all i did was to annoy you further with your failed surprises and blame you for it 😀
I love how you death stared at the guys who looked at me, you looked so unhappy and fierce and you’ll scold them even if its just for a glance 🙂 I love it when you smile, you’ll accidentally wink, i find it super duper attractive and cute (but you always say you didn’t everytime i tell you that) I love how you rmb everything, and its really everything, that i said..
Its not about the gifts and pressies, its about you (YES, I LOVED YOUR GIFTS TOO ❤ )
But your presence is all i need, i just want to be in your embrace:)

They say when you’re drunk, you tend to reveal your true self
and there i am, climbing up the stairs with all my strength and when i found you lying there, i just kissed you…
It seemed like all i want was to devour you (haha)
You did not really react, it seemed like you were uncomfortable… or was i too drunk to rmb?
I’m sorry if you felt that way.. but all i want was to let you know how I feel about you..
I’m listening to your recording of Flightless Bird, American Mouth right now (hehe i know you’ll go all uneasy)
but i realized i really miss you

I find myself even closer to you every time i tried to avoid you.. Trying step by step, to not reply, to not call, to not look at our photos together but its all useless, i could not forget
M told me to forget you, to let you go once and for all
Be ruthless, say goodbye, hurt you like you hurt me, have my revenge
But i wasn’t that kind of girl
I could not
I’m vulnerable
I’m weak
As i wrote this, my playlist shuffled to ‘I Almost Do’
it was not about us, but its still painful to hear 😥

i think i have not showed this side to you since we were trying to forget each other, but here you go
all my inner feelings and emotions written in this post
(You asked me to write and i really did 🙂 )
Yes, i admit idk what i should do now
Be all dependent on you
Or be independent…
but i’ll need to forget you
And to forget, i’ll need to avoid…
But i don’t want to.. 😥
Like how the song plays, “i wished i could run to you, and i hope you know that every time i don’t, i almost do..”

 

 


I searched for your scent on my blankie and my bed you left a day ago because
I still love you