W

but it flew away from her reach, so she ran away in her sleep

Month: July, 2015

one five seven

Lets just name that person: Tofu.
(i really hope you are still surviving from writing that 10k thesis shit, but i dont get it sometimes when your command of english is excellent and you can argue which means you are actually pretty good at writing argumentatives and presenting your critical views but you dont like writing essays? when you’re good at it? funny. hahaha)

Things wasnt that simple from the start.
I have always dreamed of that fairytale boyfriend.
You and your little personality tests were right, i was always looking for the perfect one, the one that can fit what im looking for, but sadly, i realised love don’t work that way(no matter how hard you try)
The guy playing the guitar, or the one who sings will always catch my eye (definitely) but not when you’re looking for a partner.

In the beginning, tofu and I were not emotionally attracted at first.
We had our own relationships.
and mine got real bad. It was the times when you were stressing over money in US and not listening to the advices that i had, and little fights on the times when i said i was busy at 10AM and you had to call at that time, and you called but i was working and you said you came out of class and sneaked out just to make this call, which i alr said before that i was busy in the morning due to work Β and you will be angry on how i didnt wait or expect for your call… Similarly, i waited every single night without fail from 10PM till 1230, and everytime it was, “Oh, i just reached home, i need to call my mum, could you wait up?” , till then i waited till 1230, and texted to see if I could call, but you said you were tired so i had no choice but to wait for another day just to call you..
have you thought that i was actually waiting on the other side for 3 hours straight to only hear the “Oh, im too tired” then you’ll go to bed?Β and i was extremely tired due to work everyday and had to stay up for an extra 3 hours but oh well.
I sneaked out of the office sometimes to call you as well, most of the time at 11AM when you might be unhappy at that timing when i called….
(i can still imagine us fighting about this issue till now)

On my side, i felt like there was a lack of sensitivity and care from your side and no matter how i hard i tried to tell you to give me some space for three days but you wouldnt budge. you continued to text, call and text during that three days, sending long messages like the i miss yous and i love yous.
It wasnt the things i wanted to hear from you, i want you to understand the relationship is not working out and things like this do happen and some time is needed for both sides for a little while, but you didnt listen.
This really made me feel that you did not respect me at all (as i was really busy at that moment)

……..
CONCLUSION IS: it ended. Not on a happy note.

My life then was in a wreck, I am not good at the softwares at work, so i had to work extra hard to get it done
i was feeling down due to all the emotional stuff
i was not in the best health too (as always) :/
My life, work and love was in a mess.

all i knew was Tofu. The person that can make me temporarily forget what was happening in my life and release that stress from work.

So heres the start: T was my tablemate that came in after 2 weeks.
I was already extremely excited cos i knew i had another friend to playΒ work with πŸ™‚ but shortly after T was transferred to another level. Didnt know much about me at that point in time, T was not v interested in me (even as normal friends haha), and was v nonchalant and chill about everything. T can be described as ice cold. Β T never probed about things and why i was sad, but T knew. That was why T was soo attractive. Calm and collected in every single way possible. (it was after that i knew that T was not at all calm inside, but was actually very much excited hehe πŸ™‚ ) We werent close as T is the quiet kind that is cautious about letting people in.

I found out that T was not happy with the previous relationship and due to some reasons, they broke up. T was upset and so am i 😦 so thankfully, we were there for each other for the support and the care. We enjoyed each others company and started to talk more and more and thats when we knew that we had a lot of similarities and T started to slowly let me in.

Just friends.
At first. xx
nothing more than that πŸ™‚

I was hoping my ex would understand and give me some time to pull myself together at that hard period of my life, but unfortunately, it didnt work out. A couple of furious messages and love messages, made everything felt like the pieces were back in place but there was nothing to hold them together.

Dates after dates( not legit ones cos we were all so busy 😦 ) made me realise how attractive this person is, how i felt when i saw T everyday and how intelligent T was. The perfect Tofu that always had a different view on things, and will not try to fit into society. I was blown away by this as I always feel a need to at least fit into society’s ideal of perfection. T reassures me that the insecurities that i had, had no grounds and i was silly to even follow in the first place. All these plus your personality, your charisma and your sudden bursts of laughter started to slowly pull me in ❀

I fell in love ❀

Β tbc

Back in time

i can see that you have gone back to what you were before…
everything before me, like i didnt have an impact on your life at all
well, its your choice and hmmmm, you do have your own ways of dealing with life
i wont say anything….

okay, shut.
:X

teach me how?

you moved on.

and all thats left is bits and pieces of memories
sour and sweet
torturous and precious at the same time

i wish i was more like you

i cant talk to people around you.
not because im avoiding you, or im trying to stay away from you,
i dont need to, i dont have to
but the people who knew what happened are always around you
it feels like theres a need to escape
a need to avoid
a need to not act like everything’s okay

I dont want to act.

how can you
be so normal??? after everything?
it just makes me feel like im invisible
non-existent
/ i dont matter anymore

just a past memory
no biggie
no nothing
what do i treat you like? a friend? a forgotten friend? a…?

i wish i could do that

i wish i could let go