tenth of july

it felt pretty weird when i woke up
then i realised its a Sunday. A freakin Sunday.
hmmmmm much of me have tried to forget about this and all the feelings i have felt on this day
i guess it was not that you weren’t more sensitive about my feelings
maybe the love was never strong enough for you to care
or maybe i didn’t tell you how neglected I felt every now and then
who knows what you’re thinking, and how would you know how I felt then?
the family’s at church now, and here i am, blamed for not wanting to attend (lol)
too tired to explain, too much to say; too silent this protest
The last time we broke, i did attend some of the sessions (haha)
i want to know how you felt and how was it like,
(sunday schools never taught me all these things from young)
i know the church might be different?? im not sure (????) but i do feel the same immense guilt and felt condemned, I understood a little more, i kinda get why you’re struggling so much when it meant so much to you. I did not want to take that away but, I didn’t want Him to be in the relationship with us. I cannot let Him control how you should act in front of me as if my love was wrong. There was no freakin solution to this, its either you are or you’re not. Then again, who am I to dictate someone’s faith in life? I feel they could coexist and i mentioned a few times, but most of the time, this was one of those no no topics that I could never talk about lest you get angry or a little bit more sensitive :/ but oh well, that part of coexistence did not surface in your dictionary either.

Sundays, can i ever get over you?

/

cant wait for more escapades
i need them in my life
i need to escape
i need to find my little safe haven
and damn, its not at home

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