december

With the lights dimmed in my room, and with my little moon light glowing on the floor, it feels exceptionally relaxing to be alone in my room, especially so tonight. The world is silent, and everything is at peace, and I could finally pen down my thoughts.

I have started work for about three weeks now, and I am still a little apprehensive, worried that I am not architecturally trained enough and other than the architecture, I’m also afraid that I may not blend well with my colleagues. It has been well so far. I do not like to put my hopes up high lest disappointment gets higher and harder to swallow. But my boss, I have to say, is a really genuine and nice person. He makes me feel that I’m a very lucky person to have joined his team, though small, but sufficient and happy. Giving me most of the freedom at my work with ample guidance; he makes me feel like I can ask any question, and he would not be angry. I am still trying to hold back a little as I am still on my probation…

‘I feel like you just worked here last year!’ was the sweetest thing he said, when in fact, I’ve worked there three years ago, and after a lunch with him, and his considerations of how much I’ve grown in these three years, I was hired. There was so much doubts on whether I could live up to his expectations, or what Exactly are his expectations of me? There was too much insecurities and doubts and proving myself feels less important as I just want to do my best now, without thinking too much.

I brought T to the office Christmas party for the very first time and I was petrified. (obviously) Four days of stepping into my new office, and suddenly I’m introducing T?! Am I a tad too fast? Although I have worked with him for 3 months in the past, but it was too fleeting to count that as anything. The thing I do know is that, I do not want to hide. It has been a terrible feeling for the past years and when I could not be true to myself, I feel fake acting around people (its just me) but it is beginning to take a toll on me.

Everybody was sitting on the carpet when T knocked on the door of my bosses’s house. ‘Is it her?’ he mouthed those words. As I nodded, he swiftly stood up and walked towards the door, with me following behind. I was like little bambi, not knowing what to expect.¬† T was greeted kindly with a handshake and a smile and he introduced himself as my boss, asking her to make herself comfortable in his humble home. Knowing that T was at work and hadn’t had anything before she came, he offered T some soup and his lovely wife went to the kitchen to heat up. It may not seem much to others, but at that moment, it just struck me. He was extremely supportive and accepting. I wasn’t expecting such graciousness and the feeling of being accepted by my mentor and my boss, makes me feel remarkably loved. I can’t really explain the feeling. M, a friend of my boss, pointed at us both asking if we are really tgt, and as we nodded, he held his hands together and raised it to his cheeks in glee and in approval. This made us feel even more comfortable to be in the presence of these charming individuals which they shared their stories all night.¬†Stories in their lives that were intriguing, entertaining and sometimes absurd! It was the first time, where I felt close to people in the party. Is this why grown ups drink wine and party every week?! Because its ridiculously relaxing and fun. That, will be me (in 5 years time hehe)

December, full of highs and lows, and things to remember. This decision to start work early turns out to be filled with learning opportunities, knowledge and wisdom gained from others, and it has been a great preamble to my twenty-eighteen, when things are really getting started, for real.

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