ah ha. Did I predict it correctly??? Was it my bad karma??? HAHAHA fuck. It turns out to be a fleeting moment. A few weeks ago, I was feeling pretty upset as I thought something real was blossoming. Friendship of course. And a truly platonic one. 🙂 The word platonic srsly reminds me of how T couldn’t stop listening to her philosophical podcasts, and explaining to me that a platonic love, is at the fourth and highest level of level, and also, the hardest to attain. And all I can think of is whether this is true? Is it so hard to be platonic? The thing is – I kinda get it too. I am a femme and things were bound to get hard. But if things were different, if I wasn’t a femme, would anything change? If butches and butches can be friends, while (damn it) femmes and butches can’t? In this progressive world that we all hoped for, we, inevitably (or not), are still stucked in our very conservative roles that we are supposed to have. In a heterosexual relationship, where the boy couldn’t let the girl talk to other boys and vice versa. Lol is this something that I couldn’t change??? Perhaps, this is the next level of zero judgement and of openness and acceptance. SIGH
Told T I was feeling sad today and she didn’t immediately thought that I was cheating, but said, ‘Awww, I’ll be sad too’ Her answer really kinda gave me a shock LOL I was expecting something along the lines of jealousy like, (how come you’re sad when she doesn’t reply you!!!) HAHAHA. But I did not get that reaction, instead I got a pretty understanding one 🙂 Something that I could get out of this, was that T is actually pretty progressive to let me do this (lol) T understands that if I could make friends in a very platonic sense, she’ll let me do it. That’s some high level of love and trust right there HEHEHE.
Till our paths cross again. – Ting